Everyday above ground is good

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这两天，实验也做得不顺利，一个PCR做了几遍都做不出来，舍友都走了，只剩下我，闷得发慌。 就找人聊天。 以为碰不到聊的上的人，只是从一个一个QQ头像闪动中想找一些轻松一些交流，抑或是在心底里希望能有一段恋情的发生，当然我反复告诉我自己，这是不可能发生的。 也是不应该发生的。 我还有很多的事情要去做。

但是聊天还是不错，特别是和同类人谈。虽然一直向往着自己一个人住在深山老林里超安静的生活，人毕竟是有社会性的。

简单介绍一下，在聊天中碰到的人和事。很平凡，生活本来就很平凡，但是平凡得beautiful,。就值得写一下，记下那些生命里的那些花儿。

茉莉花，好一朵美丽的茉莉花，和他聊天感觉很舒服，听得出他是一个很nice的小伙，从事IT ,  说一口典型的广东普通话， 喜欢笑， 给人的感觉很淡，很清。 说些生活中无关紧要的琐碎，上班，下班，工作，编程，电影，电视，羽毛球。就象是在和一位挚友聊天，很轻松。猜想他一定是很适合做朋友的人。 那种你说上句，他接下句的默契很是难得。有时候我想如果了解多了，一起坐着简单地说几句，眼神流转，脚尖微踱，就觉得心里是踏实的。有着国画里淡墨山水中的心旷神怡。正如相濡以沫不如相望于江湖的阔达。

在凌晨两点十分慌张想你
然而
我们总是在再见和离开中交错
我们总是对一些人说再见
对另一些人说再见到你真好
我们不停说再见
说再见
然后背上沉重的思念
有些人在你生命中曾经出现过
不代表不会再出现
人生总有许多遗憾
所以还在身边的要珍惜
已经离开的该怀念
感谢你来看我
拍下的照片 写下的文字
是想说
其实 我们都不能再回到那个时刻
这些 影像 话语 会留在我们心中
提醒自己 我会记得你

鸢尾，鸢尾花虽然具有粗大的根，宽阔如刀的叶，非常强韧的生命力。凡高笔下的经典之作。说他坚韧是有原因的，他的经历可以用惨烈来形容，风华正茂，巧合中遇到初恋，为了爱，义无反顾，辞了一份好好的北京的工作，孤身一人来到古城南京。时间一长，发现自己不是对方的唯一。对方过着典型的滥交生活。 并且突然发现自己身患性病。幸运地不是AIDS。失望懊恼之后，一声不响地离开，到了一个更南方的城市。一个人，看病，做手术，没有家属签名，大街上随便找个人付个几十块钱就行了。手术过程很痛，生理上的剧痛， 手术过后一个人疗养，那是在中国人最热闹的春节期间。因为复发，以后还做过两次。回到北京，用了两年的时间，才修整过来。

他让我想起一个抗AIDS的公益广告， 标语是： LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE LEARN TO PROTECT YOURSELF.  确实应该学会怎样保护自己。 以至于到底有没有爱是次要的，毕竟人类生存的权利是最重要的，当你在病床上被像一个BODY而不是一个PERSON对待的时候，尊严，道德什么都没有的时候，你除了祈祷能活着，你还能做什么。 所以好好珍惜现在，洁身自好，把每一天当作生命中的最后一天。享受生活，努力生活。

跟他谈话,就像是在听一位长者的教诲, 很受用,字字都是经历,时间的沉淀浓缩, 无所谓浪漫,无所谓现实, 该怎么样就怎么样吧. 好好活着, 就够了.

最后一个，是一位像紫杉一样高傲的人, 花语说：受到这种花的祝福而诞生的人，只以自己价值观判断是非曲直，不在乎别人怎么说的人。 他是一位外国人，节选一点聊天记录。
[我]与他说:don’t u think that Chinese here is too inappropriate for u to fuck. )
他与[我]说:why inappropriate? )
[我]与他说:don't u afraid of being infected with HIV )
他与[我]说:you could be infected everywhere )
[我]与他说:that's true, )
[我]与他说:i mean u should learn to protect yourself )
他与[我]说:you too )
[我]与他说:have u got any thought about finding the right one, the lover here, not just for sex )
他与[我]说:i never got the thought that there is a right one )
他与[我]说:that’s Hollywood not reality )
[我]与他说:btw, i see an ad about fighting against HIV, it's directed by a French ,and )
[我]与他说:in the ad, it says, live long enough to find the right one. )
[我]与他说:maybe, u should try that one )
[我]与他说:finally, people don't need only sex. )
他与[我]说:why don’t try the other way round? )
[我]与他说:the other way is too miserable, and too fucked up. )
他与[我]说:come on, there is never a right one, that’s all fantasies and prejudice )
[我]与他说:fucking around is just the way to avoid the try )
他与[我]说:its like saying there must be a god because otherwise the world would be too sad )
[我]与他说:maybe you tried, u 'll find the beauty in your life, )
[我]与他说:and the god )
他与[我]说:you could also say if you need another person you are not mature, you are not self-confident )
他与[我]说:try to find peace in yourself )
他与[我]说:in the end we all are alone )
他与[我]说:that’s life )
他与[我]说:everything else is self-deception )
他与[我]说:tray to stand on your own legs )
他与[我]说:maybe i already found beauty in life? )
他与[我]说:cant you believe this? )
[我]与他说:i believe something peaceful only exist in the world of believing god. )
他与[我]说:why always tray try comply with others peoples ideas of your life )
他与[我]说:find your own way )
[我]与他说:because i know human's nature has sin in it )
他与[我]说:and don’t believe the stupid movies of eternal love )
他与[我]说:which sin? )
他与[我]说:that we have a body? )
[我]与他说:lust, )
他与[我]说:that’s Augustinus )
他与[我]说:that’s nature, not sin )
他与[我]说:how could you believe that lust is bad )
[我]与他说:always if you fuck so many )
[我]与他说:HIV is some kind of punishment . )
他与[我]说:who said that i fucked many? )
[我]与他说:I guess. )
他与[我]说:ah and all the babies in Africa who have aids must also be punished? )
他与[我]说:come on, )
他与[我]说:how could you believe in a so cruel and inhumane god )
[我]与他说:that's different )
他与[我]说:no )
他与[我]说:where do you get these strange ideas? )
[我]与他说:things happened in Africa can't be reasoned anyway )
[我]与他说:strange? )
他与[我]说:it is a strange picture of god )
他与[我]说:they can, its just an illness )
[我]与他说:so do u believe in god )
他与[我]说:why do you mix morals in it? )
[我]与他说:? )
[我]与他说:i assume that u don’t )
他与[我]说:yes but a good and human god )
他与[我]说:i think the idea is disgusting that god created men and let them have lust )
[我]与他说:morals is apart of god's charge )
他与[我]说:only to forbid them to have sex, that’s a cruel, disgusting picture of god )
[我]与他说:maybe u should think more about men )
[我]与他说:and your lust )
他与[我]说:lust is something what your body demands, like inhaling, eating, sleeping, drinking )
[我]与他说:not if it is unnecessary for living, )
他与[我]说:its a harrowing idea that sex is bad . Generations of peoples life have been spoiled )
他与[我]说:because of this ideology )
他与[我]说:its a cruel and inhumane ideology )
[我]与他说:you just indulge yourself , try the easier way to accept )
[我]与他说:deny the sin in yourself. )
他与[我]说:i prefer the Asian way, here people have a more natural attitude )
[我]与他说:that's easy )
他与[我]说:where did you get these ideas from? )
[我]与他说:i read books about )
[我]与他说:homo and god )
他与[我]说:with all respect :these books a rubbish )
[我]与他说:written by profession )
[我]与他说:al )
他与[我]说:have you no capacity for criticism? )
他与[我]说:why do you believe this nonsense? )
[我]与他说:whether they are rubbish doesn’t matter, the thing matters is you never )
[我]与他说:read them )
[我]与他说:when u call them rubbish )
他与[我]说:try to accept human beings like human beings , not like gods )
[我]与他说:you should learn more )
他与[我]说:i know this ideology )
他与[我]说:you should be more critical )
[我]与他说:it's not the way you think if you really read through even )
[我]与他说:with your criticism )
他与[我]说:it is said the Christian god is good and benevolent , not a monster torturing humans )
他与[我]说:humans )
他与[我]说:and its a torture to deny sex, like denying eating and drinking )
[我]与他说:is it a kind of torturing , it help us to find a better self )
[我]与他说:to improve our live quality )
[我]与他说:by avoiding any kind of punishment brought by fucking )
他与[我]说:you can improve your life quality if you don’t believe this ideology and artificial fears )
[我]与他说:by come over the bad living habit )
[我]与他说:so why gay got more chance to be infected )
他与[我]说:there are a lot of many bad men who don’t fuck but kill and steal and violate - there not punished )
[我]与他说:i don't care )
[我]与他说:that's out of my control )
他与[我]说:please don’t believe this nonsense )
他与[我]说:no if you argue that’s the will of a good god that’s a contradiction )
[我]与他说:i just watch over myself, to find the peace )
他与[我]说:this means the good you believe in is evil )
他与[我]说:ok, find peace but don’t believe books which arise self contempt in you )
[我]与他说:not just he cant be in charge of murdering can u called him a evil )
他与[我]说:if you are gay, be gay , that’s natural, that’s no sin )
[我]与他说:thank for your advice )
他与[我]说:you are welcome )
他与[我]说:there are many kinds of Christianity )
他与[我]说:don’t choose the ultraconservative, narrow-minded, backward one )  

他对我说的话很能反应大部分西方人的感情哲学， you could also say if you need another person you are not mature, you are not self-confident， try to find peace in yourself ，in the end we all are alone ，that’s life，everything else is self-deception try to stand on your own legs .最终我们都会孤独，这就是生活， 没有什么永远的爱， 这就是生活， 其他的都只是自我欺骗。这么一个孤独高傲 极具批判主义的紫杉式的人格。 我知道他还会继续fuck around， 他活得很轻松，很自我。 想想我一直处于自我否定的矛盾当中，是很难过。 但就是轻松不起来，继续在罪与罚的漩涡中寻找平静。 找得到吗， I hope so.  希望能更自信地走在人群中。做一个简单快乐的人。

不管是茉莉，还是鸢尾，还是紫杉，我都要谢谢他们，谢谢在我迷茫孤独的时候能和我倾诉，能倾听我。Yes, Life is beautiful, but it’s complicated.

Life Is Beautiful by Vega 4
Life is beautiful
We live until we die

When you run into my arms,
We steal a perfect moment.
Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smilling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.
We barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Yeah, life is beautiful.
Our hearts, they beat and break.

When you run away from harm,
Will you run back into my arms,
Like you did when you were young?
Will you come back to me?

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,
we barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Stand where you are.
We let all these moments pass us by.

It's amazing where I'm standing,
There's alot that we can give.
This is ours just for the moment,
There's alot that we can give.